summer wrap-up

I am obviously the worst blogger ever. I didn't write about anything that I said I was going to write about over the summer. I blame it entirely on the University of Notre Dame and its completely unforgiving schedule of courses for MNA students. I should also note, lest anyone think I'm complaining, that this summer was quite possibly the best experience of my life. 

The MNA (master of nonprofit administration) is essentially an MBA, but the emphasis is on the not-for-profit sector. My favorite quote so far, "Nonprofit is a tax status; it's not a business plan." In other words, nonprofits still have to make money in order to operate effectively and provide all of the services they set out to provide. You still have to know business even if all you want to do is heal the world.

In 4 weeks, we completed 12 credit hours, which is just under 1/3 of the degree. The classes are taught similarly to an executive MBA format - squeezing as much content into as little time possible, it seems. We spent 8 hours a day in class (one class for 4 hours in the morning and another class for 4 hours in the afternoon - see schedule below), and then we spent anywhere from 4-7 hours each night on homework, reading, projects, and papers. I averaged just over 4 hours of sleep per night and probably 4 caffeinated drinks per day. It was the most intense academic experience I have ever had, without question, but I already feel so incredibly rewarded by it.

Week 1 - Human Resource Management, Management Communication
Week 2 - Human Resource Management, Accounting for Nonprofits
Week 3 - Marketing for Nonprofits, Accounting for Nonprofits
Week 4 - Marketing for Nonprofits, Board Relations and Management

I did get to spend some time in all of my favorite ND spots, and I also found several new favorite places. It was almost surreal to walk by Touchdown Jesus (and his little friend First Down Moses) and the stadium on my way to class every day. I almost got run over by Coach Denbrock (who coaches the wide receivers) in a golf cart one day (in his defense, some kid was driving him). It's also surreal to see all the football players just hanging out, eating a sandwich (okay, usually at least two sandwiches) between classes or eating a couple of dinners at Chipotle... As fans, it's easy to forget that these guys we see on TV every Saturday are 18-22 year old college kids, just like the ones I work with every day. When I think about them that way, it helps me avoid putting so much pressure on them to win at any cost and more likely to care about what they do in life a lot more than what they do on the field. And it makes watching them on TV, especially when they win, seem so much more rewarding as a fan. Yes, I'm ready for football season.

This week I'll start two online classes - Social Entrepreneurship and Program Evaluation. The thing that's cool about these is that you still actually "go" to a live class - you just do it via video conference or webinar instead of being physically in the classroom. By the end of this academic year in May 2014, I will have completed half of the degree. Then back to ND for another summer, and then 1 more online class and my final research project. The goal is to graduate May 2015.

My biggest takeaway so far is that, in my opinion at least, Notre Dame has already proven itself to be what it claims to be. They promise a rigorous academic experience - obviously this has been that and more. They promise a place of incredible beauty - obviously we all know ND is gorgeous, but it remains that way each and every day, even when you feel like you want to scream and cry from exhaustion. Just being there was such an incredible gift. They promise a spiritual experience - you know going in that this is a Catholic school, but it's not until spending day after day after day in that place that you realize how much more connected you feel to everything in the world... Several of my classmates were non-Catholic and even non-Christian, but I think we all felt a connection that goes far beyond religious doctrine - that really is the true spirit of Notre Dame. And finally, they promise connection - I met 34 of the most incredible classmates I could have imagined. My only disappointment is that we didn't all know eachother 15 years ago. These people are beyond wonderful - smart, engaging, and incredibly passionate about making the world a better place. Not only did our cohort connect, but we've also made lasting connections with faculty, staff, other students, and alums. From the first interview, my program advisor was telling me about graduates of our program who are doing the work that I hope to be doing one day.

I can't believe summer has come and gone already, but I'm really looking forward to the year ahead. And by the way, football starts in 6 days. GO IRISH!

the bang cohort

The group you enter into the MNA program with during your first summer is your cohort. Because of the program structure and flexibility, we may all finish the degree at different times, anywhere from 14 months to 4 years from now. But we're all required to be here for 4 weeks this summer taking the same 5 classes. The cool thing about this structure is that you have the opportunity to form a close bond with about 30 people (or 35 in our case) during your first summer, and even though you may not be together all the time for the remainder of the program, those people still become your immediate network... maybe even your rock, so to speak, while you all finish at your own pace later on.

So let me tell you about my group. First of all, they're nothing short of amazing. I never could have imagined how much I would genuinely enjoy being around all of them. After 3 days of orientation, we already felt like we had known eachother for years, and now that we've finished our first week of class, I think we're all wondering why it took so long for us all to finally meet eachother. I suppose it's all in God's plan to bring the right people into your life at the right time. After only 10 days together, it feels like it's been a lifetime. A really hard, sleep-deprived, yet completely awesome lifetime.

We come from all over the country - California to Maryland, Maine to South Carolina and Georgia, the midwest to Texas. We also have a priest from Africa and 4 students on an exchange program from China. (This is the first group on exchange for a dual degree program with Notre Dame and Renmin University in Beijing. Next year, the program will grow to have a larger Chinese contingent coming in 6 weeks ahead of us for some preparatory work, and then joining the MNA program with the 2014 cohort.) We have an age range of 23 to somewhere around 50 years old, with the bulk of us being in our late 20s or early 30s. (I could do a standard deviation on that, but... well, hell no.) We work in a variety of areas like healthcare, higher education, family foundations, community or volunteer service organizations, human trafficking, and even a golf foundation. You'd think it might be hard to find something in common with everyone, but it's been surprisingly really easy. We all care about what we do, and we all have a huge passion to learn... that alone would actually be enough. But it turns out that we genuinely like eachother and want everyone to succeed, too.

A few years ago, the program started a trend of letting the cohorts give themselves a name rather than identifying with a year. The group from last year was called "Bueno." In honor of being the first cohort with members of the new Chinese exchange program, we really wanted to have a Chinese name. After talking it over, we decided to one-up the class before us (bueno = good) and select the Chinese word for "superior," which is "bang." It's pronounced "bahng" rather than bayng like we would normally say here in America, but we often bastardize it for the sake of humor, because inside we're all still 12-year-olds. :) So that's who we are. The Bang Cohort. (And yes, we're getting t-shirts.)

There are a few times in your life when you get thrown into battle with a group of people... when you're younger, you're just sort of stuck with whomever shows up (like in high school). When you're in college, most of you want to be there, but there still seem to be some folks that just don't fit. But this experience is just totally different. We all really want to be here, and more than that, we're all really excited about learning together. This actually reminds me of my experience at the Governor's Honors Program when I was in high school... Even the person who might annoy you the most from time to time is still a person that you could go to lunch with and have a really awesome conversation. And that annoyance is still pretty low on the scale of 1 to "kill me now." Maybe there's something to be said for suffering through dorm life, incredibly late nights, and tough projects together. It's hard, but the degree will be worth it... certainly, the relationships are worth it.

I'm going to take advantage of my free day for a walk around campus, and then it's time to get started with accounting and HR management homework... and probably some laundry, lest we forget that this isn't just a really hard summer camp vacation.

Next time, I'll tell you more about our schedule and what we're learning. Until then, thank you again for checking in on me, and Go Irish!

an irish orientation

I'm here!!!

I arrived at Notre Dame last Thursday and quickly settled in to my new living quarters - a single dorm room in a traditional residence hall (meaning there are no frills like kitchens and private bathrooms.) And also, this particular building is usually inhabited by 18-22 year old boys. Gross. I'm happy to report that it didn't smell like boys, though I came prepared with a can of disinfectant/deodorizer spray that smells like "fresh linen"or "spring air" or "not like a dirty gross college boy." The room is rather... basic. Bed, desk, chair. Cinder block walls, linoleum tile floors. There is a closet, but it doesn't have a door, so I'm not really sure what you call that. The plus is that the room does come equipped with a sink, vanity, and mirror/medicine cabinet, as well as a trash can and recycle can, both of which seem to be magically emptied for us every few days.

As I tend to do, I brought more stuff than any one person really should need for 4.5 weeks, but I'm glad I did. Never underestimate what it's like to live in a basic dorm room after you've been out of college and living in your own really pretty house or apartment for 10+ years. Sleeping on a twin bed that sags in the middle is really one of those binding human experiences that all college dorm-livers can share for eternity. I feel fortunate that I was able to fix mine with some 1/2 inch MDF boards from the local Home Depot. Thanks to rearranging the furniture and to Target and IKEA for having enough cute, cheap stuff, this room doesn't look completely like a prison cell now.

I spent Thursday afternoon taking care of campus business like dropping some cash at the bookstore (on important things like a Notre Dame lanyard and yet another Notre Dame t-shirt, not books), getting my official student ID made (I hope everyone else looks as bad at that camera angle as I do), purchasing my summer parking pass, and trying to orient myself to things that will be important to my time here... oddly enough, those things are pretty different from what I usually care about (the Dome and the football stadium). I spent a little time at the Grotto and just felt generally happy to be here.

Friday marked the beginning of orientation. We introduced ourselves by actually pairing with another student, interviewing them, and then telling the rest of the group what we learned about that person. I appreciate this approach much more than name games and superficial get-to-know-you activities of my college orientation. We also heard from some of the students in the cohort above us and got to spend a couple of hours asking questions and just getting a sense of what to expect over the next 4 weeks. They took us to dinner at a local Irish pub (hello, this is who we are), and then I took the opportunity for a perfect walk around St. Mary's lake and another trip to the Grotto.

Saturday was orientation day 2. It started with breakfast in the Jordan Hall of Science, where we spent a little more time sharing what we do and why we're here for this program. We got an orientation to the library of the business school, had lunch, and then spent the afternoon with a panel of faculty members who teach the courses in Modules II-IV, which we'll take beginning next summer. I was struck by the level of interest and care shown by each of the faculty. It's easy to forget that you're sitting in the top business school in the country when you have people telling you that they actually want you to learn and succeed and help the world... not the typical cut-throat business school environment. It's immensely comforting to know that our professors support our work and believe in us, though they're not shy about preparing us for the fact that we will not all make A's. If nothing else, this will be a great lesson in managing expectations, as I think we're all overachievers. Note to selves: We might want A's, but B's get degrees, too.

On Sunday, we attended a special mass held for our degree program (all cohorts that are currently on campus) in Dillon Hall. For reference, each residence hall has its own chapel, and most of them have a priest or nun who serves as the hall rector, though some of those positions are held by non-clergy. The rector for Dillon Hall is Rev. Paul Doyle, and he is nothing short of wonderful. He has the most precious old Virginia accent, which is kind of refreshing in a place where everyone sounds just a little like Mike Ditka (which I also love.) After mass, we attended a special lunch held in the Notre Dame football stadium press box. I just said that like it was no big deal. Let me be clear - it.was.a.big.deal. The press box obviously overlooks the stadium, but the backside of it is also full of windows that look out over campus. It was amazing. We heard from the director of the alumni association, and I just felt even more like I can't believe I actually get to go to school here. Notre Dame alums are everywhere, serving in every sector at every level, and there is an incredibly strong bond among them. What an unbelievable network.

Following lunch, we got an amazing surprise of getting to go into the stadium and out onto the field. Having been a rabid football fan for years, it was kind of cool (ie, really cool. okay, like, ridiculously cool.) to actually get to stand on the sideline and in the grass. I've done the tunnel walk before, but you don't actually get to go onto the field then. This experience pretty much blew my mind. (I can't help myself. Bless my heart.) After another walk with a trip to the Grotto, thus ended orientation weekend.

I have to go write a strategy memo now, but I'll be back soon to talk about my new classmates and the first week of class.

Let the countdown begin!

Three months from today, I'll be at the half-way point of my first summer at Notre Dame. That means I have fewer than three months to get myself ready to be there. When I think about any kind of timeline, I am excited... but that's also when the panic starts to set in. I just feel like there are so many things to do before I even get there. I have submitted all of my financial aid information and registered for my first semester of classes. For some reason, those processes seemed to be pretty painless compared to my memories of doing those things in college and grad school before. Of course, financial aid is one of those monsters that feeds on your fear, so it makes sense that it would seem completely horrible and consuming in retrospect. It helps that course registration is electronic now, unlike in college where you filled everything out on paper and then stood in line for hours only to watch your dreams of a perfect schedule and graduating on time get crushed before your very eyes. It's also nice being a graduate student in a specialized program because they actually make a point of getting you into the classes you need when you need them.

Speaking of classes... Most of my summer courses have pre-assignments already posted, as there simply isn't enough time to do everything when you're there on campus. The fact that I have to read at least a couple of complete textbooks between now and then is freaking me out a little. Not that I don't love to read... just that it's still hard for me to wrap my head around being a student again period, let alone doing it weeks before I even step foot in the classroom. I've already started planning times and spots around town where I can go to study here at home so I don't get distracted by my house. Hopefully that will help me get into student mode again, seeing all the college kiddos out at coffee shops and bookstores and cafes reading and studying away.

The next task is starting a packing list and buying things that I'll need for my dorm. Even just typing "my dorm" at 32 years old feels ridiculous. D.O.R.M. I mean, wow. I guess the good news is that for years I've been jealous of all the cute college stuff at places like Target and Ikea, wishing that we'd had stuff like that "back in my day," so now I actually get to take advantage of it. I'm trying to create a vision for my room (praise baby Jesus for Pinterest) so that it is as comfortable and relaxing as it can be. With classes running from 8-5 every day, 5 days a week, and spending most of my evenings studying, I won't be spending a whole lot of time in there. But I want my time there to be peaceful and restful so that I don't turn into a zombie by the end of the experience. Some people get this special kind of anger from being hungry (we call it "hangry")... I get that kind of anger from being tired. I wish there was a convenient catchy word like hangry to describe it, but truthfully, it's just me being mean and feeling like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment and having my eyes water non-stop. It's super fun for everyone, obviously. So yes... What I need is a calm space in the midst of what I'm sure will be crazy and chaotic and challenging, but what I also believe will be energizing and incredibly exciting.

In the coming weeks, I'll be buying books, dorm stuff, and festive accessories like shower shoes and a caddy. The best part is school supplies and plenty of things to use for color-coding. I also get to complete the school loan process, register for housing, and determine how to pack clothing for 4.5 weeks of sitting in cold classrooms in a town that suffers from lake-effect weather weirdness. Some people would be unnerved by this kind of process, but pretty much my professional career can be summed up as one long checklist, and I'm pretty good at that. So this will be fun. I keep reminding myself of that in those times when I'm scared and overwhelmed. And maybe most of all, I think about all of the connections and random things that have led me to this moment, and I just feel so grateful and excited about everything. Two-and-a-half months seems like a long time, but I will be ticking these things off the checklist very, very soon. And in two more years of checklists, I'll have another degree from one of my favorite places on the planet.

An Irish Blessing

I've had blogs for years, but with no real sense of purpose other than telling people about my life (which is frankly not that exciting), I am basically the worst blogger on the planet. I know that makes this new attempt seem terribly appealing at the outset, right? Maybe it won't be exciting for anyone else, but I think it'll be good for me. If you've paid attention to the blog title, you might be able to surmise that I'm going to be writing about becoming a graduate student at the University of Notre Dame and my experiences there. I know you're probably thinking, "Oh, great... A blog about school." If you are a "school person," I'm sure you have your own schooling to worry about, and if you're not so much into school, this probably sounds downright awful. I'm also feeling pretty mushy about everything right now, as I'm sure will be reflected in this first post. In that case, please feel free to stop now, before it gets any worse.

For me, though, this whole journey has been so surreal that I basically feel I need to write it down in order to know that it is, in fact, actually happening. In fact, I've been writing this same post for about 2 weeks now and have taken forever to share it because I'm still a little overwhelmed (mostly in a good way) by the whole thing. I hope to share more in this post about how I got here, and I hope to share more in the future about my time on campus and what I plan to do with this incredible opportunity. I know it's going to shape me as much as, if not more than, anything that has happened in my censored years of life thus far.

May the Road Rise Up to Meet You
It seems appropriate to start here, at the beginning, around 1997. As a high school student beginning to look at colleges, I took my first trip to the University of Notre Dame campus. As an Indiana native, there was always some bit of mystique in my mind about Notre Dame, mostly because of football... Knute Rockne, the Four Horsemen, The Gipper, and Rudy. Seeing this place in person was like living in a dream. It was everything I had seen in the movies and on TV. It was everything I thought college should be, and I fell in love with it. As a Georgia resident, though, my road to college wouldn't be taking me back home to Indiana, but rather to a more affordable school much closer to home.

May the Wind Be Always at Your Back
Fast forward several years... it seems like life as a music major at my little private liberal arts college just flew past me. When I started looking at graduate programs, again Notre Dame was on my mind, but the fit just wasn't there at the time. I chose a program in counseling at a local state university, fully intending to heal the world with my newly developed listening skills. But I quickly grew tired of the mental health aspect and felt that my true calling was working with college students. Somehow, I was flung back to that same little liberal arts college for my first job as a college admissions counselor. In what seems like the blink of an eye, I moved into the operations side of admissions as an assistant director and became responsible for planning recruitment events, communications, web content, data/reporting, and all sorts of other new stuff that I have no business doing given my educational background, but somehow it all makes sense... The creative, the critical thinking, the being able to deal with crazy people... You just never know how you might be lead into the right place.

May the Sun Shine Warm Upon Your Face
As a huge fan of Notre Dame football, I try to make it back to campus once a year for a football game. We've had a variety of weather experiences, as fall in northern Indiana can be pretty unpredictable. Our first attempt surrounded us with more than a foot of snow... quite literally, as we had to dig out the snow to reach our seats in the stadium. Most of our trips, though, have been filled with sunshine - those perfect fall days that make you feel like everything is right in the world. Those days are the reason I love working in the college setting... it's more than just a pretty day on a pretty campus. It's the connection of that feeling as a symbol of everything I love about school and the learning process (and the books and school supplies and cute college preppyness.) It's being able to help students transition from being high school kids to being adults who do really cool things. It's the knowledge that what I do in my role in administration can help ensure the longterm success of my institution, and by extension can serve a local, national, or global community as a result. It's that moment in Dead Poets Society when all the kids climb up on their desks and recite O Captain, My Captain and then I cry a thousand tears because it's so awesome that they are responding to their teacher and their education in that way. I know it sounds cheesy, but there's something really warm and fuzzy about that. Even as a non-Catholic, my time at Notre Dame has felt spiritual and serene, with a much greater connection to the space, the history, the mission that goes well beyond my sports fandom. I do feel there's something to be said for the Catholic model of education. It isn't just about bettering oneself - it's about using our gifts and knowledge to make everyone else around us better through the process. The other benefits of material possession or just that feeling of "doing good" are really the icing on the cake.

...And Rains Fall Soft Upon Your Fields
It is with that idea in mind that I began my quest toward a Notre Dame degree again. Perhaps by pure accident, my mom got an email through a professional human resource organization detailing several certification programs through the business school at Notre Dame. Naturally, she forwarded it to me, not necessarily as a recommendation, but more just because it was something about Notre Dame. Of course, I read through the options, and out of curiosity, I clicked a link to all of the graduate programs in business. I stumbled upon a masters degree program in nonprofit administration. Unlike so many similar programs, which focus more on what I affectionately refer to as the "tree-hugger hippie side" of nonprofits (a field I am immensely familiar with, given my counseling background), this program aims to do all of those wonderful humanitarian things by teaching a solid, sustainable business foundation. All nonprofits aim to do good work as their primary goal, but it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain those organizations if you don't have a sound business core. During this same time, I took on a new role as the chair of the staff advisory committee at my institution. As is common in higher ed, when you become the chair of one committee, you are suddenly thrust into seats on about 1084 other committees... budget, benefits, strategic planning, etc. Through that process, though, it's like a floodgate of ideas and opportunities opened up for me. I probably wouldn't have even thought about looking for a business degree, but the non-profit focus makes it a different kind of business degree. With aspirations of continuing my career in higher education administration, knowing how much our world of academia is changing and being challenged in the 21st century, this program really seemed to be a perfect fit for me.

Until We Meet Again
This past fall, during my annual football weekend pilgrimage to Notre Dame, I took advantage of my time on campus and had an opportunity to meet with the MNA program manager. As an obsessive fan of both football and fingernail polish, I always paint my nails for ND football weekends. This year, I finally found the perfect combination of a gold base coat with layers of gold glitter to match the Fighting Irish football helmets. Naturally, that's what I was wearing when I made the trip to Notre Dame. Of course, that means that I was also wearing said gold glitter to one of the most important interviews of my life. While I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a "business person," I do consider myself a professional, and I sat there, hands in lap, feeling ever-so-uncomfortable about my bold gold nails knowing that you just don't wear something crazy like that to an interview. Perhaps as a sign from Mother Mary herself, one of the first things the program manager said to me was, "I love your nail polish." As I sheepishly explained myself and apologized for being slightly less than professional, she quickly calmed my concerns as she said, "Kinsey, you're at Notre Dame now. It's expected." I don't know if you've ever felt completely at home in a situation that would otherwise be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable... But that's how I felt sitting in that seminar room at Mendoza, overlooking Notre Dame Stadium and talking about my life and why I want to do what I want to do and how Notre Dame can help me do it. When I left the meeting that day, I felt almost certain that I would be back there again... and not just as a football fan. Those moments don't happen often in life, and that is one that I feel quite sure I will cherish for a very long time.

May God Hold You in the Palm of His Hands
In so many ways, I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Usually when people say that, it has a negative connotation. For me, I think I'm actually in shock at the way all of this has unfolded. I've always felt that everything happens for a reason, but I've often had a hard time seeing an end result to the madness. I'm not at all doing what I thought I would be doing 10 years after graduating from college, but for maybe the first time ever, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing - and it is all taking me somewhere with a clear vision and purpose. Seeing my acceptance letter with the words "Welcome to Notre Dame" in solid black ink was probably one of the best moments of my entire life. It all feels a bit crazy to me, and there are moments when all I want to do is cry because of the level of focus and commitment required to do this... but I am comforted by these words, from this prayer, attributed to Saint Therese de Lisieux:

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

Of course, I don't know what the outcome of this degree will be for me specifically at this point, but I know that my path is being carved for me and I am without a doubt being held in the palm of His hands through all of this.

Lest I wax too sentimental, I'd also like to state for the record that I am so freaking excited. I had to file the FAFSA and I'm going to have to fill out loan applications and all kinds of financial aid stuff... I'm going to have to live in a dorm for the first time since December 2001 and share a bathroom with a bunch of ladies and wear shower shoes and carry all my toiletries in a basket... But I get to buy school supplies and things with which to color-code and highlight and flag pages of text and notes... And maybe most importantly, I'M GOING TO NOTRE DAME. And I'm just... Wow. I'm just thrilled.

So, if you  made it here, thank you for reading. Thank you for any prayers or happy thoughts you send out on my behalf. And most importantly, thank you for supporting me and joining me on this journey toward becoming one of the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.